Storytime

Imagine if you will, Bob Marley, gambling with a group of religous leaders. He wins a diamond from a rabbi and an emerald from the Dalai Lama. Unfortunately he still has a debt of half the value of the diamond to the Pope. In order to repay his debt, he has to jump up and down on the diamond until it breaks.

Later, he's having dinner with Mike Tyson and Lee Harvey Oswald. Oswald has ordered a green salad, but Tyson has had three courses, and wants everyone to pay the same. Bob encourages Oswald to pay his share, because, even if it isn't fair, if Tyson gets angry, everyone gets a slice.

He later wrote a song about it. 'We're jammin, I won the gem of a jew, we're jammin, jammin', and I hop the light gem in two, Woah, Lee, man's Iron, woah, lee, man's Iron. Just split the bill, man's, iron."

It seemed funnier last night.

My name is mimic...

This morning I found the only good thing about having a cold. Last night I watched Gladiator. This morning, with a hoarse throat, I was able to quote Russell Crowe very convincingly, albeit with a slight Noel Coward in the background.

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. " (cough, splutter)

And other than the coughing, I've had a very pleasant day. But I'll have more fun things to say tomorrow.

Home for a while in the old count-e-ry

I'm going back to Corby for the weekend. this is good as I'll be able to see my folks, relax and generally unwind. It is bad, because nothing interesting enough to report ever happens in the sleepy village of Corby Glen. However, this is exactly the kind of weekend I feel I could do with. I hope to have some fun news on Monday anyway.

Have a lovely weekend everyone (everyone being a sum total of about five people, I reckon).

Artificial Incredulity

Jabberwacky: My name is Er.
User: Really. What's your mum's name?
Jabberwacky: I cany remember.
User: I can. I remember every detail.
Jabberwacky: Remembering is different than knowing.
User: True. I know your mum, and I remember her.
Jabberwacky: Dad is dead.
User: Nope. I'm your daddy.
Jabberwacky: No you are not!
User: Come on, say it. Who's your daddy?
Jabberwacky: You are my daddy!
User: I certainly am.
Jabberwacky: You are not a yam.
User: Otherwise you'd be half yam.
Jabberwacky: I remember the ZX80! It wasn't much of a computer.
-------------------------
Speak to my son at www.jabberwacky.com. Much of this post has been deleted, as I fear it may be found offensive by some. This is a family site, even the link to the pornoliser contains no rude words.

Just missed it...

I'm ashamed to say I was terribly excited at the prospect of a new Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series on Radio 4 yesterday. I was all ready to set up internet radio and sit at work, listening until 7pm. The opportunity for free food came up though, and I had to take it. So I whiled away a pleasant evening with Gary, Todd, Erin and Tiffany, in a local pizzeria/bar, all on the company. I'll be eagerly awaiting the repeat tomorrow at 11pm - probably with some devious plan to capture it on MP3 (sorry, Douglas' estate).

Yo ho ho

Another weekend, another opportunity to get embarassingly drunk. Not before an hour and a half on the phone to the US, which put me in a remarkably good mood. So I dressed as similar to a pirate as I could, and packed the grog in my bag. Half a bottle of Captain Morgan's later, I'm being clumsy and indiscreet, so come midnight, I decide it's probably best to be asleep. Curse you, alcohol, for making me buy kebabs.

On the upside, it was the dry run for the fancy dress on October 2nd, and it all looks promising. And it gave me an excuse not to leave the house on Sunday, which is fast becoming my favourite way to spend Sunday. And, if nothing else, a bottle of rum is considerably less expensive than visits to 25 pubs in Central London, and with much the same result.

Me and my TV

The week when I decide to start letting the entire world know what I do with my life turns out to be one of the most boring ones I've ever spent in London. Saturday excepted (it was marvellous) I haven't been out and had fun for about two weeks. It's a blunt reminder of just how dull TV really is. If the week was normally like this for me, I'd know why Andy from Eastenders is such an angry little man. I'd know why Vernon Kay has a TV show. I'd know why Channel 4 won an Emmy for news coverage.

I'm glad I don't.

And I'm having real trouble not watching NY/LON. It's getting great reviews, not just from TimeOut, but from people I know, but I have this terrible feeling it'll just upset me.

My head hurts...

Work's annual staff picnic was this weekend, and involved a lot of drinking and a lot of eating. Paul came along and joined in, and a fair few people got just a little untidy, though nothing like last year.... Managing to pace myself for a change, Paul and I returned home, in order to prepare to go out again, in Brick Lane, where we stayed until 1.30am. Not content with 13 hours of fun, Rob, Paul and I jumped into a taxi and headed off to Canvas in King's Cross, where we carried on until leaving; me at a rather pathetic 3.30am, Rob and Paul at a slightly more respectable 4.45am. I'm a simple country lad, and unused to the ways of the city. I hurt.

Later on this afternoon I'm leaving work early to find a pirate costume for the weekend. All I really want is a mug of cocoa, a warm bath and a good night's sleep...

Take it away, Maestro

I've been waiting all week for a replacement debit card, following the disappearance of mine, mysteriously, before I boarded a train back from Lincolnshire. On the upside, it saved me £22 on train fares, along with the stupidity and incompetence of the train staff. On the downside, I've had no money all week. On the upside of this, I've had a great week and spent no money. Thanks to Caroline for her generous loan. Thanks to Alec for paying for lunch yesterday, and not even asking.

The switch card arrived this morning. At lunchtime, I'll be spending a total of £350 on plane tickets and frivolous electrical goods.