Happy face!

I'm not posting a lot at the moment. This is largely because I have absolutely nothing to say. I'm in that wallowy period in a long-distance relationship where I'm just near enough to seeing my beloved to know it's not far away, and just far enough to be fed up that it isn't nearer. Still, every day, it is. And feeling sorry for yourself makes terrible reading if you're a boy (though maybe this is entertaining for the female reader? Answers on a postcard).

But this evening I fence again. And as far as I can tell, this week people will get to hit me. LAst week I got to hit someone, and the week before I didn't even hold a sword, so there's a logical progression. By next week, it'll be kill or be killed, so enjoy the miserable posts while they last!

And this weekend I entertained my parents. By which, I mean I sat them in front of the TV and we chatted and ate chicken. Chickens are important, they're what bring people together. But not for long as my parents are in Egypt now. I'm hoping they'll look up my site, that's the only continent save Antartica that I've never had hits from.

Next weekend there is talk of a Mexican themed party. So far I haven't shaved for a week and a half. I realise this is a horrendous social stereotype, but the Mexicans always had stubbly visages in the westerns - if it's any defence against accusations of racism, I've never met a Mexican I didn't like. There is a reason for that, and it escapes me. But if I was going to an English themed party I'd take tea and a bowler hat, so I hope I'm not offending. Or at least offending equally.

Right.

Typecast

I just found out someone arrived at my site by searching for 'poorly informed walrus'. I'm the second most poorly informed walrus on the net, according to google. That hurts.

Engine trouble

As predicted, I didn't run.

Cruise control

Yesterday I drove a car with cruise control. It was fun. The previous day I said I would have something interesting to say on my blog today. I lied.

But more on the party at the weekend. We drank a great deal, we were up until (generally) somewhere between 2 and 6am, we chatted a lot about lots of things, much of which would have been forgotten by the next day, and I know for a fact I insulted at least one person. Sorry, Sam.

And exercise. On Sunday I ran. On Monday I fenced. Yesterday I packed boxes all day. That means strictly speaking, I should go for a run again this evening, just to keep it up. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets! My money's on 'over my dead body', though literally, this will be difficult to achieve.

Note: Please comment to say if this blog is getting into mundane details of my life, and I'll try to spice it up a bit.

Fun

Too busy - just need to say the party at the weekend was great fun. And I ran last night, a couple of miles apparently. I hope to do it again soon.

More on Wednesday when there'll be time to write something worthwhile...

Don't say it! Don't say it!

This is not a reference to President Bush's speech, though a quick mention might have been nice. Having said that, even if he had, little consolation, more of the same to come etc....

It is instead an attempt to avoid mentioning myself and the fact that I'm 25 today.

Damn, that didn't work at all.

Anyway. I am. And I don't feel odd about it. And the only worry I have is that every year it's going to get harder and harder to remember to add one to the age I give when people ask. And it's a great excuse for a party (tomorrow, our house, try to get there between 8-9pm, call for directions).

So there.

Mice lead fight against cancer and alcoholism

In this article, mice are shown to have reduced risk of cancer if they drink non-alcoholic beer. The wonderful thing about that is the part humans play in it. If we hadn't come along, how would mice ever have come across non-alcoholic beer?

Red sky in the morning is as good as the river!

Well, I did it. See proverbs.htm for a random proverb generator. And expect improvements and subtleties at a later date, when I have some free time (I work you know, much as it seems otherwise). Currently it has a possible 27,000 combinations, many of which are pretty poor, but some of which are a bit of a giggle.

Giving it some NHS

This morning as I crossed the yard, I saw this on the side of a van.



Those of you from the Lincolnshire area may, or may not appreciate this. I did. It brought back happy memories of phone difficulties at New Year, and general requesting. Maybe I'm just getting too reflective, with the quarter-century coming up. I apologise to anyone who is disgusted by the idea of someone about to be 25 feeling that they're getting old. It is pretty disgusting, there's life in me yet!

Eavis takes 12 month break

So, in accordance with that which was foretold by Eavis, Michael Eavis will be taking a break for the duration of 2006. This year's Glastonbury will leave us with two years to wait for the next one. Rumours of Kylie, Outkast and Status Quo taking to the stage suggest that maybe the breakis coming a year too late.

The tickets for this year's festival are on sale from Sunday 3rd April. I personally will be waiting until the Monday morning to buy mine, so I don't get caught in the rush. I would advise everyone, (that's right, everyone,) to do the same thing. And I can't guarantee I won't change my mind on the 3rd.

In other news, Iran has "rapidly produced equipment that has resulted in the greatest deterrent", so isn't expecting to be attacked. I think the US may be tempted to call its bluff if they are intent on attacking anyway. The worst case scenario during a nuclear war is that we all die. The best is that some of us make it underground first, and live out our days in a network of tunnels. So, who knows? Maybe there won't be a Glastonbury in 2007 either...

The Iran Disaster Appeal

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4180087.stm

I encourage all readers to make a donation to the Iranian people. Pension planners tell me, the sooner you put money away, the more work it can do for you by the time you need it. And judging from this article, they're going to need it sooner or later.

Furthermore, judging from the alphabetical pattern I have spotted, people in India, Indonesia and Iceland should be putting a little aside too. I think we should be safe, as UK is one step after USA in reverse alphabetical order, and hopefully he'll be too confused at the prospect of simultaneously invading the world's largest economy while defending the country from the world's largest military force to think about taking the UK afterwards. Fingers crossed.

Hijacked!

On Saturday, my good friends Ben and Emma hijacked a party, for the second time in 6 months, not satisfied with stealing my circle line pub crawl for Emma's birthday. They organised a birthday party for 6 of their friends, of which I was one. I thought this might have been a gesture, something to redress the balance, but it turns out I was just being lulled into a false sense of security. No sooner had they built me up than they knocked me down again, when at about 11pm, Ben announced that he and Emma had become engaged over the New Year. All I was doing was getting a year older. How can I compete with that?

Ok, please leave sarcastic tone here, cause I mean the next bit entirely sincerely, and it would be easy to think otherwise without this sentence as a spacer.

Congratulations to the future Mr & Mrs Everitt, I can't think of two people who deserve each other more. I wish you every good fortune for the future. (And I'm not just saying this to curry favour so I can use your spare room for a few weeks).

Shopping

Tomorrow I'm going shopping. I always hated shopping, but I'm getting quite used to it now. I plan on buying all sorts of fun things, but it really depends what shops Liz wants to go to.

The dollar is going up again, which is rather upsetting. I was enjoying getting two dollars to the pound and going to America and Buying Everything. By March, it might be just as cheap to buy things in London. Curse America's stranglehold on its own economy.

Freedom for Lincolnshire

What if Lincolnshire were to declare independence? What if we had our own economy, and the outside world relied on us for food? Would we be admitted to the EU? Could we run an embassy in London, Paris, New York and so on?

In the end, Chris and I decided Lincolnshire would be too difficult to defend from a military point of view.

On an unrelated matter, this summer I was wondering if anyone would like to take a short holiday on the Isle of Wight. Bring digital cameras, maps and pens.

Tearing animals to pieces

Yesterday, a colleague kindly gave me two pheasants. I promptly took them home, skinned them and cut off the breasts and legs. For some reason I'm fascinated by where meat actually comes from, and there's a certain sense of pride in being able to take something animal shaped and turn it into food. Rob and Chris holed up in the living room 'til the smell was gone - Rob has seen me do this before, and in fairness, Chris did venture into the kitchen for a short while, just to see.

I left the stripped carcasses in a bin across the road from our flat, as an offering to the local fox. By this morning the bin had been emptied. I hope the fox got there first.

Further to the below

I found this answer to the same question, from someone in Richmond, VA:

C'mon, folks, Jesus would have driven a Japanese automobile. Why, after all, isn't it written in Scripture that Jesus and his disciples "were all of one Accord"?

What would Jesus drive?

Yesterday I watched a documentary (or at least, a programme. It was as much a documentary as Bowling for Columbine (though I agree with the sentiment of both, I don't like the methods), it was more of an hour-length rant (too many parentheses do you think?)) on the environmental effects of large uneconomical vehicles. I am of the opinion that Jesus would have walked. I mean, as far as I remember, the Messiah's foot was an all terrain vehicle, even handling water on one memorable occasion. But there were 12 guys with him a lot of the time. The SUV Owner's Club guy suggested Jesus would have had a huge car for that reason. I think he probably would have needed a minibus, cause SUVs don't seat that many. And if he'd lived in London, he'd probably just take the tube, though he'd be the only one not cursing every time there was a problem with the Northern Line.

Have at ye!

This morning I sent off my cheque for a beginner's fencing course. I'll be improving my swordplay every Monday evening from next week, for 6 weeks. Having watched The Fellowship of the Ring (Extended version) yesterday, I can see just how useful being able to use a sword could be. One day, it may even save the world...

Really? Well, thanks for your advice.

Yesterday, my train to work was pulling into the platform and I was stood by the door. This carries privilege and responsibility. Privilege, because you're the first person who gets to get off the train. Responsibility because you're in charge of opening the doors. This is responsibility I am used to, though. I pushed the 'Open' button down, waiting for the driver to release the doors, as the train stopped.

Then someone behind me, absent-mindedly or nervously perhaps, muttered 'Push'.

This bit me. It wounded me. All the air went from my lungs momentarily, and inside at least, I bent double. I cannot think of anyone I know, except my youngest cousins, Noah and (Damn, can't remember, only met him once but he's a mere 7 months old, so the point stands - Sorry, Neil and Sam) who needs instructions on how to use buttons. I found myself saying, as audibly as was possible 'Well, it's a good thing you told me', once the driver released the doors and they openend instantly.

Incidentally, a google search for "How to push a button" turns up a lot of people saying how some people don't even know how to push a button, but no instructions from which such people can learn. I guess if you have to ask, then you'll never really know.

Back to work

I'm back in the office, full of happy memories and happy memory-lapses from the last three weeks. Work is going smoothly now, though things are going to be hard work for the next few weeks once everything gets going again. I'm also trying to sneak some photos online from the trip. Watch the usual places.

I also had an idea for a random generator of proverbs - such as 'Needs must when cooks spoil the broth' or 'Many hands make Jack save nine', or 'Don't poke the crocodiles when the tough get out of the kitchen'. Paul, Michelle, Kirsty, anyone with technical knowledge, how easy would this be to do?

I miss the sandwiches. I miss the cheap clothes, the free-flowing traffic, the lack of rain, the cheap beer, the enormous cars. But I miss the sandwiches second-most of all.