Who's the Baghdaddy?

On Sunday at Glastonbury, the Baghdaddies played the Avalon stage at 6pm, and there you'd think it would end. But no, in Lost Vagueness they were called upon to play again at 1am. Ok, not bad, two shows in one day, but hardly backbreaking work.

But after the 1am show on Monday morning, the horn players (a trumpet, a trombone and a soprano sax, I think) wandered up to the stone circle, where their distinctive ska/middle-eastern harmonies could be heard until beyond 7.30am. Cracking. Puts me to shame that over the whole weekend, I played no shows and never went to bed later than 2.30am. Weak, that's what I am.

Half a bottle of Captain Morgans

Another unusual search term (I know, these are getting boring) by which someone arrived at my site. I can't imagine a situation in which one would want to find anythign on the net to do with half a bottle of rum. A full bottle, yes.


Well, I'm off home to a wombat and a pair of rubber trousers (lets see if anyone picks that up on google!)

Serious bass

And then we watched the Wailers. They played some nice tunes on the Jazz World stage, but at this time I was beginning to tire of all the noise, and the weekend was coming to an end. I turned to Chris, and commented that The Wailers wouldn't have showed up unless they were promised some serious bass. Chris replied "well, that goes without saying. They probably wouldn't even get out of bed int he morning unless the bass is serious. I mean, they probably said, Eavis, we don't care about the fee, just don't give us any frivolous bass'.

The bass was serious all weekend, but somehow the Wailers made it all the more straight-faced.

In Chris Martin's defence

He did make me smile when he sang:

Give me weather that does no harm
Michael Eavis, Worthy Farm
Give me mud up to your knees
Best festival in history

to Politik. Though best festival in history is probably stretching it a little. Might have been, with a different Saturday headliner.

A sketch I heard on Sunday about Toothpaste

It's like when you go to buy toothpaste, you think what flavour should I have, Spearmint, peppermint, freshmint, fresh spearmint, doublemint, peppermint? Do I want plaque protection, flouride enriched, double protection, triple protection, whitening, double whitening, extra whitening? Why can't they just make one that does all of it? And then the toothbrush... firm bristles, soft bristles, diamond head, square head, should it flex in the neck? What about electric toothbrushes - they're meant to work better, but the action's much more manly with a manual one? And then they get you with the Mouthwash? Blue, Green, Purple, Yellow, it doesn't matter, the taste'll stay in your mouth for a week anyway! And then dental floss - now I've always thought dental floss was just snooty string, it's all, oh, I taste of mint, but can you use it as a guy rop ewhen your tent breaks? Can you fuck!

Warning sign, perhaps

Coldplay are following me around. Not only did they announce their headline slot at Glastonbury after I'd decided I was going, but they conspired with Michael Eavis to ensure everyone else playing when they were was just as vapid. Then, to top it all off, I went home last night only to discover I could hear bloody Coldplay (don't know why I capitalise them, they don't deserve it) playing in my bloody street! It turns out Crystal Palace is just down the way, and they were playing there last night. I bet they're playing this evening too...

If they play Corby Glen in mid July, I shall take out a restraining order.

Good (and a few bad) vibrations

Wow, what a weekend. Fantastic in places, frightful in others. Wednesday and Thursday were both so hot we could barely do anything, which was great because we didn't have anything to do anyway, and then Friday morning, after we'd been complaining how hot it was for two days, the heavens opened. Apparently one man was struck by lightning in the night, while leaving his tent to use the toilet. I assume he survived, or how would they know what his intentions were?

Pennards Field, a mildly sloped area that ends with a large bank at the foot of the slope, collected around three feet of water, and firemen searched every tent in the area, in the night, to make sure no-one had drowned, which they hadn't. Apparently only one person died during the weekend, and it was unrelated to the rain.

I myself woke up to a relatively dry tent, amazing as it was single skinned, and had already taken 5 hours of intense rain. This was at about 8am. It continued to rain for a further three hours. My boots held up well though, and I watched incredible sets from The Killers, John Butler Trio and The White Stripes on Friday, as well as half of a set I would have loved to see all of, from Doves. Jack White apologised for the rain, the mud, and for being American. And he called Meg his sister. Again. But he can't half play that guitar.

Then on Saturday, the mud still glueing our feet to the floor, we saw Taj Mahal, GLC ("I'm not like other people you might see or you might know; I made love to a BBC micro") Kaiser Chiefs (who invited an enormous inflatable dinosaur onto the stage), New Order and Coldplay (I know, but the light show was incredible, and he's such a nice young man). Sunday brought out Soulwax (not bad, but not Soulwax of 2000, to my mind), Brian Wilson (jaw-droppingly good for every minute of his set, criminal that he couldn't have played another hour or more of those songs, and wonderful to see people crowdsurfing on actual surfboards. If I have to choose 'Heroes and Villains' of the weekend, then Brian was my hero, and the weather the villain.) and some other people, probably. The Wailers closed my weekend, with that poor man having to stand in for Bob Marley, and then an hour or two of comedy (which is another post or two in itself, especially the ball-sucking audience member).

My legs ache so much from all the walking in the sticky mud, and I still feel dehydrated. I think I'll need the break in 2006.

Photos are at Paul's site, as I didn't use my camera once...

Edit: I will be posting lots more about the weekend, but there's too much to write in one day, especially my first day back at work!

Waking up to the neighbours

I think subwoofers should come with a timeswitch that means they don't work at all until at least 11am. 9.30am is not a reasonable time at which to wake up to other people's R'n'B. It was at 9.45 that I realised I own a CD player/alarm clock with a headphone out socket, and also a home cinema thing with a headphone socket input. With a sub. And I'm going awa for a couple of days this week. There's nothing stopping me turning up the bass and setting the alarm to any damn time I want. Every morning until I get back.

Not sure why I chose a slightly twisted Bryan Adams album name as a post title. I'm not a big fan of the Groover form Vancouver, though who can keep their feet still to Summer of '69?

Aht buh, awuweh?

I'm currently waiting for this to be added to www.urbandictionary.com


---------------------------
AHT

A slurred version of the word 'Alright'. Used by small-town folks in the UK, or in an exaggerated way, by those who seek to mock them.

'Aht buh, awuweh?' (alright boy, how are we?)
'Aht buh. Guurn Dant busseh?' (alright boy, are you going down to the bus station?).

Source: Loungewalrus, Jun 16, 2005

On the day when...

...Michael Jackson is cleared of all charges relating to sexual abuse and misconduct, more people die in Iraq and it gets treated like no-one was expecting it and the British Government prepares to deploy 2,000 men in Afghanistan, I ask:

Is Christina Hot?

Maximus isn't real....

Someone searched for "Maximus decimus meridius is real or not" and arrived at my site. This is pathetic. It's like that woman from Japan who watched Fargo and then wandered round North Dakota looking for the million dollars, and died of hypothermia.

It's a film. Sometimes they're based on real stories, but even then, the film usually exaggerates, misrepresents and lies. Get a grip people!

Oh, and I got my first hits from South Africa today. Hi South Africa!

A random Futurama quote

Fry (aside, to Zoidberg): Tell her how thin she looks!
Zoidberg, to lady lobster on balcony: You look malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?
Edna (the lady lobster: Why yes. Thanks for noticing.

Everyone is a crap driver

I have just returned from a family dinner, which was for the most part a pleasant experience. But there was a long conversation abotu people's driving habits. The french, the man in the white van, the family car, the old dear - everyone is a crap driver except you! (Though I agree about the french, chill out guys!).

When will someone hold up their hand and say "Yeah, I sit in the outside lane too long, I drive to fast, I don't rest every couple of hours, I sit on people's back bumper when I'm in a hurry - I'm a liability on the road"? Cause someone is doing it, and I've heard a million people tell me about what someone else did, but no-one ever replies "Yeah, I'd have done that too".

I'd like to start a trend. I am a terrible driver. I drive too fast, I don't leave enough space between tme and the car in front. I dont pull in every time I can. I dont' always signal where it might be helpful. I certainly don't leave space for every eventuality. Will I change the way I drive now?

No.

Cats fine, dogs perhaps, walruses? No.

Someone typed 'pets buy walrus' into a search engine, and arrived at my site. A male walrus weighs up to 1700kg, which is the same as a London taxi. The tusks of a bull walrus grow up to 40in long, and are extremely functional. This is not something you want sat on your lap.

I want to make it very clear that I do not sell walruses. I do not condone the sale of walruses. I do not condone their use as domestic animals. If I see someone with a walrus on a lead, I will probably run away. Don't underestimate the walrus.

The Siths - featuring Darth Morrissey

So I was chatting to my cousin and talking about The Smiths, a lyric from whom he had chosen as his MSN name, and I typoed. So here's a track list by popular Manchester/Tattoine crossover 'The Siths'.

The Wookie With A Thorn In His Side
Obi-Wan, It Was Really Nothing
How Soon Is A Long, Long Time Ago?
Stormtroopers Of The World Unite
Han Solo In Glove (I know, that one not so good)
Jar-Jar Take A Bow
Heaven Knows I'm On The Dark Side Of The Force Now
This Charming Ewok

and my favourite

There Is A Light-Sabre That Never Goes Out

I thank you.