Invented by thugs, played by drunk people

Later today I'll be playing my first match of rugby in about 10 years. I'll be playing with, and against, some people who could have gone pro if they'd had the inclination (or so I'm assured). They tell me they've put me on the wing, out of harm's way. I think only time will tell whether that's true. Fortunately there will be a licensed bar on site, so should there be any injuries there'll be a cry of 'I've broken my ankle - for God's sake, somebody call a barman!'.